what do i have to do?

to get through to you?

all you ever tink about is the polka dots girl.

maybe thats why you're mr polka dots.

i think laurie is going to kill me cause i just lost her account number yet again.

i come back from a cruise. and i find that people are so emotional.

kaira,
yeah, i knew that she was in a mess even before i left. i everything better? i would know. i'll jsut wait for her to tell me.

drey,
like a mask that hides everything. i wont probe. because i know that all i'll get is "nothing."

sherilyn,
i'll never get to know whats happening because...
simply because i'll never know.


cruise was a good thing to happen in a long time. how often do i get the sea breeze in my hair while i'm reading a romance novel?
sure, there maybe times when i wished that he was there.
but being alone is good as well.

and not thinking is good sometimes. sometimes i just love it when i can jsut go with the flow.

pictures coming up soon.
because they're not in my camera.
polaroids. i have to find a way to put it in.

sometimes your games are just too much.

and i miss you too much sometimes.

christmas seems to be a commercial holiday now.
does it have a meaning anymore?

doesnt seem like it.

birthday is about two months away?
18th, and legal.
its supposed to be anyway.

maybe this year i just want a quiet one.

maybe its a time for me to reflect.

and no words can say how much i miss him.

its about four more months to christmas.

and about four more hours to my holidays.
maybe its a time for healing and rest.

and i guess that i really need this.
a break.
for assholes from work.
for real emotional healing.
to simply stop thinking of ben.

because it hurts more everytime i think about him.

and i always hate the replies he gives me.

holiday, here i come.

christmas, please dont.

my soulmate.
could have been you.

love stories made me wish that you were here.
to have you hand forever in mine.

now blogging just makes me want to cry.
simply because i woke up at 630 in the morning thinking that i'll go to school.
reality?

no school.
no more class.
no more of them.

but yesterday was a good day.
i had him all to myself.

making me laugh and asking me what tampons were.
he really is a fussy boy.

but he just made me fall in love with him all over again.

even if i didnt mean to.

WE REMEMBER.

hello all.

yes, i think you all can see that today was picture taking session.
so lets just get on with it.





syafie's the ultimate cam whorer.
trust me.


i think we can see that every one loves nesha.
and we love ginger too.






we're modelling fro the L word.


happiest days of my life come from them.






promo pics for One Tree Hill.


i think i influenced too many people with my twist.
rosey calls me the twister.
not funny.



amalina the photo director.


look at how great it turned out.






yep. its the three of us.
trying to have a vogue moment.






syafie's got strong arms that i fell in love with.
while nesha is just horny.


emo moment.
thinking of him.



i dare say that i'll miss them.
because they made me so happy.

loves.

oh shit balls.
i shouldn't be crying.
really.

you confuse me sometimes.
but your harsh words are something i'll never get used to.
you exclaimed words just left a trail of blood in my heart.

but you still have my love.

i dont know how it ended up like this.

maybe if my heart stops beating. it wont hurt so bad.

pictures tonight.
because i'll miss my class like mad.

i dont want to hold on anymore if you dont wanna try with me anymore.

class is going to end soon.


joy.

Stole this from Bea.
I dont know why either.

1. Comment with a request to see absolutely anything on my computer. My desktop, my documents, my bookmarks, my WIPs folder... absolutely whatever you are curious about. Request it. I will respond with a screenshot of the very thing you request.

2. Ask me to take pictures of any aspect of my life that you're interested in/curious about -- it can be anything from my favorite shirt to my cell phone to my car. Leave your requests as a comment to this entry, I'll snap the pictures and post them back here. It's like a glimpse into my world!

I'll reply it in one big post when i have enough requests. Okay. Even if its one.

It’s the last day of school, and I’m feeling a little sad. Oh alright, I’m feeling so emotional that its not even funny. Honestly speaking, I don’t know if I actually get to have a class like this ever again. Where I get to go on gigs with my friends, watch movies, chilling out at random places as and when we feel like. I’ll most definitely miss talking to them, people watching and bitchy gossip. Its not every semester that I get to have a class like this. Although some of the drama can be excluded. But I won’t mind having more of Ben in my class. Who had a really horrible haircut. But please don’t tell him that.

I’m going to have withdrawal symptoms for this.

Church, a place that I haven’t been for a long time. And I know that its not good for me to do so. But it doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped believing in God. I still pray, although I’m sinning for not going for mass because its an obligation. I do miss some people there. Keynote, some people. Which I’ll make an effort to meet up with.

Somehow, detaching from church seemed like a good move for me, even though it was totally unintentional. Even less drama in my life, less gossip and somehow, less backstabbing. Simply because the walls in church have ears and whatever you say, someone else is bound to hear it and people do make a mountain out of a molehill. Everyone knows something about everyone else. And people do say what they don’t know about. The peace and serenity I used to seek there, well, most of it is gone.

Its all about the politics there I suppose. Something I can live without.

But church isn’t all that bad, really. I’ve found people I’ll treasure with my whole life. And life lessons learnt. But then again, politics seem to turn me off. To think that I used to be part of this, now I want nothing to do with it.

Life might seem to be getting lighter for me. Holidays are coming, and hopefully I do get a short vacation. Cruise! Which hopefully I can try my hardest that I can actually lose some weight because I have every intention to use the swimming and gym facilities available there. I want to be able to see hot guys with a six-pack, or maybe it can turn into a love boat where I can have summer love.

Lets just hope that Ben won’t be jealous.

All of this before I kill myself with all the work I’m about to have. Training for Hippo Tours are on Saturday, and Kym says that I might be able to get a hang of it after one day, at most two. My mother is drilling me on what I should learn and what I should not. I’m practically following in her footsteps. Its all about the money, I mean, who doesn’t want a job that costs 8 dollars an hour? And Ben says that only females can get such a high paying job. Rubbish. Just because he is lazy to talk, that’s why. And to think that he is a sales person. My backside. I don’t talk to bluffers.

Two jobs, lets hope that I won’t die of exhaustion.

One thing that I don’t understand. What makes Xiaxue so famous? Seriously. Even to a point where she can do blogging full time and earn big bucks for it. Is it because she talks about controversial issues or what? I simply don’t get it. She seems to be able to rant and rant and still, she gets paid for it. Ironic isn’t it?

Anyway, speaking of ranting, I have something I wish to say. THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH SINGAPOREANS THESE DAYS. Seriously. Especially educated working class adults. Their mannerisms flew out of the window.

Take for example, in public transport. Every morning when I go to school, I experience the same thing over and over again. Its like a routine or something. I get off the train and I see a huge mass of people standing at the escalator, squeezing their way trying to get up the escalator, sometimes even pushing their way in. This is really irritating especially when you’re half-awake in the morning and you have people bumping into you or using their body to push you away so that they can get on the escalator first. Irritating or what? And there is this classic case. Every morning, at a particular time when I go to school, there would be this middle-aged man, reading the bible out loud to himself. I have nothing against that. And one stop before he alights, he keeps his bible, still mumbling to himself mind you, pushes his way to the front until he is standing directly infront of the door, and when it does eventually open, he practically runs out to the escalator and then he becomes one of those irritating people who pushes their way so that he can get on. The most stupid part? He needs to change trains, so even though he squeezes his way through other people, he still needs to wait for the other train. Stupid.

Some people can be really impatient. And some people can be damn stupid to not know that the right side of the escalator is meant for people in a rush and let them walk up. Talk about educated working class adults.

Speaking of impatient, another incident that pissed me off. Is that people can wait for passengers to get off the train before getting on. What is it with Singaporeans and squeezing? National pastime maybe? Just when I thought that it was queuing up for free things.

Sorry for the rant. Maybe my period is coming, that’s why.

Oh yes, not to be racist or anything, but Indians prove to be an impatient bunch. Serving them makes me want to throw boiling coffee at them sometimes. SOMETIMES. When they can’t wait in the line to order. And when they finally do order, they go to the pick up counter and demand of their drink. DEMAND. And its not the first time.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against them. I really don’t. My bestfriend is an Indian and so is Nesha. And I love them both, but sometimes. The things they do really irritate the hell out of the poor people working at Coffeebean. Just ask anytime who works at Vivo or Sentosa. They’ll tell you the same thing.

I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I’m just trying to voice out.

And one last thing. Sher, I love you. Many much. And you know that you can call me anytime. Even if it is at three or four in the bloody morning. If you need a shoulder. Or my sarcasm. Or if you simply need me being there to watch you laugh or cry. I will. Because I didn’t go through twelve years with you for nothing. And I’m willing to got through 1794008263486 more years with you. Remember that. And I’ll braid your hair for you anytime. Loves.

There goes a thousand word post. I think my professional profiling might end up as long as this.

One last thing before I go.

The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight! The Fire Fight!

And something else.

BEN! BEN! BEN!

I miss you.

GRYFFINDOR:
[ ] You've never done drugs.
[x] You like a lot of people.
[ ] You get along with everyone.
[ ] You love FOOTBALL.
[ ] You love baseball.
[x] You're into writing and art.
[x] Favorite music genre is rock.
[x] You believe in "innocent until proven guilty" theory.
[ ] One of your favorite colors is red or gold.
[ ] Good grades at school.
[ ] One of the worst things you can do is lie.
[x] You plan on going to college.

TOTAL: 5


HUFFLEPUFF:
[ ] You're content with mostly everything in your life right now.
[x] You laugh a lot.
[ ] You like to follow trends.
[x] Politics suck.
[x] You love to swim.
[ ] Water polo is awesome.
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors.
[ ] Black is morbid & depressing.
[x] Michael Jackson is talented as a musical artist.
[ ] You're an optimist.
[x] You're very emotional.
[x] You believe in going steady at a young age.
[ ] You haven't made fun of anyone this month.
[x] Loyalty is the MOST important thing in a relationship.

TOTAL: 7


RAVENCLAW:
[x] You've been depressed to a certain extent.
[x] You love to read.
[x] You appreciate theater & arts.
[ ] Sports suck.
[x] Indie is one of your favorite genre of music.
[x] Every once in a while you have little anger outbursts.
[x] Lying is sometimes okay.
[ ] Blue is one of your favorite colors.
[x] Knowledge is the key to power.
[x] Sarcasm is the best kind of humor.
[x] People should know what they're talking about before they talk.

TOTAL: 9


SLYTHERIN:
[x] There's at least one person you hate.
[ ] Basketball is a good sport.
[ ] AFL Football is amazing.
[x] Black is a cool color.
[x] You've lied about something serious.
[x] You're a very deep person.
[x] You have considered suicide.
[ ] You are not very loyal.
[ ] You like heavy metal.
[x] They make school seem more important than it is.
[x] You're scared to grow up.
[ ] Anger is one of your primary feelings.
[x] You have trust issues.

TOTAL: 8


i stole this from sam. and i belong in ravenclaw?
i was so hoping slytherin.
so that i can kill someone.

a tear drops with every minute of your silence.

i 'm starting to think that things are getting better.

i can totally start my day with my head held high.
and a smile of my face.

i'm not full out happy.
but contented.

and who knows?
this high isnt going to end and only going to get better.

i wish i was harold.

i guess some people heard this same stuff over and over again.
but saturday was good.

okay, i'm taking hours to do this post. because i'm having webmail overload.

ben cut his hair. its ugly now.

anyway, its been long since i felt contented. fireworks with the girls on saturday made me wish that he was with me. but sometimes, i have to accept things that are not meant to be.
rush hour three was good too. funny and well, its always a horny moments with the girls.

i dont know what i wanted to blog about anymore. i dont know if i should have one anymore.

you're my well kept little secret.

for the first time.
since daddy left.

i feel lost.
just lost.

NICK,
THIS IS GETTING SO FUCKING TIRING. STOP ASKING ME IF ITS IMPOSSIBLE. BECAUSE IT IS AND ITS NOT THE FIRST TIME I'VE TOLD YOU THAT. LIKE I TOLD YOU, YOU WILL FORGET.
just stop making me feel guilty. i'm sorry that this had to happen. even if he didn't come into the picture. if he didn't even exist in the first place. i doubt that anything would change. because it won't. there are some people you have feelings for. and there are some people you dont. and you're just someone who can be a friend.
i dont feel safe around you. and you're all about yourself. sure, i may not know you to say this kind of stuff. but this is the kind of impression you give to me. you come across as fickle minded and self centered who's all about stroking your ego. being with you will only make me feel so fucking insecure. i really dont need this. i rather not be in a relationship rather than in a relationship with someone i dont feel safe around. someone i dont really click with. i simply can't.
thats why i left the train.
you spoiled the friendship. because you dont want to be honest and forthright. because you dont want to trash it out. and keep telling me that you're over it. LIAR. dont tell me to get over it because there was nothing to get over in the first place.
sorry. but until you're ready, fuck off.

get over it? why dont you get over it too?
you started it in the first place.

i'm still on a high. since yesterday. some people know why.

girls, i'm drifting. and i know you all know that i am.
i'll find my way back to you all soon.

can you handle me the way i am?

rejection never gets old. and the feeling of hurt never gets new either.
lets all take this time to say goodbye to mr polka dots.

i'm in love with the L word. and with shane. and she really should be with carmen.
hot stuff.

watching the L word. makes me wonder how on earth they can find so many lesbians to make a show.

i got high. because of him.

yes, i'm your vanessa.

i'm yours. and you are mine.

SBUTLE CONFESSIONS.

i wont leave you hanging like how i am now. because i've told you everything you needed to know. its practically impossible. i'm not worth holding on. i'm not worth waiting for.
i'm not worth your attention. and in time, you'll find someone who is worth all that. someone who needs you as much as you need her. just wait for it. the one for you will come your way.
its just that its not me.

funny how seeing you used to make me smile. now when i see you. i smile for a different reason. i smile because i feel stupid. for being so into you that it hurts. and then now i see, maybe i was blind all along. go with her for all that i care. because in the end, you'll know that she's just using you. no one will care for you like i do.

life is complicated. very complicated.

and i'm never going on a blind date ever again.

WERE YOU HERE AND WERE YOU REAL?

yesterday was good. with so much of ice cream, i was clearly showing signs of a sugar rush. bitching sessions were good. and times spent with my darlings was a better choice.

Cecilla,
i dont know why you said what ever you said. look around you and realise that you're not who you think you are. i'll look past your fucked up trespasses, only because you were drunk. dont say things you dont know. one of these days, someone in class in going to bring you down so bad. everyone wants to do it, it might as well be me. if i was up to my limit.
it takes alot for me to me angry.

ben,
don't judge me. because you dont know me. do you even try? i guess not. forgive me for being nervous around you. it should be just natural. like what kai told me. we'll see, on the 6th. i'm in no mood to tell you everything right now. because i'm afraid of what might happen if i do.
you told me, if the feeling is right.
who knows? when you get to know me. it might be right.

there is no one online for me to talk to.
i saw rick yeasterday. you've been missed.

i saw hafiz yesterday too! but he didn't let me bite him.

today is a day for rest.
nicky, honestly, i dont know what going on in your mind. i know tht you have a thing for me. everyone knows actually. you're starting to sound like me talking to ben. except that i'm nicer to you than ben is to me. give up.

i wanna go see joshua!

they say that i was to be the next PSM. and then now they say that i'm in the running for MIT. so what now? if nothing is going to go on soon. i guess i'll have to look for another job.
thank you very much.

literature.

i miss it so very much. you have to think. and read between the lines. where you have to read and re-read the passage because there are many interpretations to a single line.
but now my life its like that. which makes me hate literature.

i have a craving for a bagel now.

maybe its just because i havent had a single thing to eat since i woke up.

HUNGRY.

A LAND OF THE TITS PRODUCTION.

Five days from yesterday, i was a transsexual. Before that, I wasn't much of a straight guy either. However, i was into lots of weird stuff which had fur. Should I describe? Nah. Don't have to. I let your imagination run wild. (: But then again, wouldn't it be hornyfying to see furry breasts? Considering that i have a furry dick as well. Just so you know, i love to eat sauce that looks like period and cum. And yes, my furry breasts leaked of soy bean. During midnight, maggots made love on my boobs. Suddenly, some word hit me. OOZE. Not only that, LICK, BITE and SUCK. OOOOH. Yummylicious. Hot shit, i want some more! Give it to me baby! I know you like me, you wanna lick me, you think I'm sexy. I'm gonna come! Let's do it doggy style then. STEAM! Fuck man! I can't stand it anymore! Its coming... NO! NO! TOO FAST! More! More! Grind me hard. Ooh ooh, friction! Pass me the gel! And the fur!
OMG! Its the land of the tits!
And then, I woke up. I was shaking violently. Sweat was pouring, cum was showered all over the floor. And i realised i was screwing my neighbour's dog.

Pre-cum to be continued.


This is the land of the tits production.

i guess someone just had to make me realise that i havent had a rest for the longest time. making me realise that i'm not really all that happy after all. and my pessimistic nature isn't helping one bit. just an emotional downfall, one after another. and i dont know how much i can take.

i guess i need affirmation.

i know that i should be happy with what i have. i am, but somehow its human nature to want something more. in this case, i only want one thing. ben.
but then again, its life, it always desnt give you want you want in life.

i never thought that i would see him today. i wasnt into my daily dose of ben. wasnt looking forward to him. but still. maybe a look would be all good to perk my day up. just simply knowing.

so my classmates think its funny to use that emoticon. well. thanks guys. i kinda screamed in the library when i first saw it.

sometimes life doesnt always go the way you want it to be.

i feel so empty without my book.

i'm back in my song writing phase.

okay okay. its been on my mind for so long. i gues i'm really deprived right now.
the list of movies i want to watch.

-simpsons. (i got sick of asking ben to watch with me.)
-disturbia.
-perfect stranger.
-881 (singaporean film. support singaporeans people!)
-secret. ( i don't know why i want to watch this show. maybe cause jay chou is in it.)
-hairspray! (i've been waiting for this.)
-rush hour 3.

ben,
stop keeping to yourself. if you continue to do this, i'm pretty much sure that it would be the end of the world for you. will it hurt? to open up just a little bit? to let people know what is going on in your mind?
to let me know whats going on in your mind.
maybe for once, you can let someone in. i'll promise that i wont misplace that trust. i won't. give me a chance.
we can always try, just let me understand you.

i can give and give and give. and you can keep taking. but when is anything going to happen.

what is mine will be mine. what isn't will never be mine.

comfort comes in the form of Dunfu. wise words that enable me to have a good sleep.
we will have tough times, but its all about coming through that.

so after a stressing UT, we all went to chill out. we made up stories. really nice stories. i took the liberty of calling these story tellers the Land of the Tits. i dont know why. it sound so fun at that moment.

ben,
i want to give up. the way you respond, makes me feel like it isnt worth my effort anymore.

sean,
go suck balls.

i wanna give you the rest of my life.
i dont know la! i just dont want you to go to her.

okay. this is getting asinine.

okay.
with regards to my earlier post.
i really hate test. especially biochemistry.

simply because i understand it way less than i understand allplied chemistry. and i really do have the feeling that i'm going to fail these two modules. which is why i honestly think that i might be repeating my second year in RP.
surprise much? unless my second semester decideds to be really nice to me and give me a GPA that i can really be proud of.
unless i get some discipline and not slack my ass off. i think i can do just that.

SECOND SEM!
i'm on the way.


just wonder how it would be like if i didn't get to see ben anymore.

i hate tests and blogger.

why couldnt this be us?

why do you have to be so difficult? why make me try so hard? why did i fall in love with you?

simply in hours.

my dream? to have a band with Jared. and perform at Beats. we've talked about this so often. to when this might come true. i wouldn't know.

in hybrid moments,
give me a moment.

ben, its all for you. and when i do get to perform, please be there to watch me shine.

SNL.

so now its time for a flashback. for saturday.
FINALLY, after ages and ages. i met Audrey, Amanda, Lexine, Sheryl, Pris. ALL AT ONE SHOT. thank you priss for giving us the chance to.

pictures now!








we still love priss after all this time.


i think 12 years makes me inressistable.
i dont know how to spell that. sorry.


i'll just let Sher pretend to be taller than me for a min.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRIS!

these pictures are from sher, which came from drey.

not its time for my pictures.










we're planning a wedding. thats why the face.

these are all the pictures i have. sorry. BECAUSE LEXINE KEPT TAKING NONSENSE PICTURES WITH MY CAMERA!
unbelievable.

Paul, pictures please?
or maybe i'll just steal them from Pris.

P.S; i got the Bismuth CD for free. i'm going to faint now.

P.P.S; i've been told that i became fatter. shit. cruise will help me lose weight.

BAYBEATS.baybeats.BAYBEATS.baybeats!

i'm still in the moment. still in the sugar rush. so just give me a moment to say something.

BAYBEATS! BAYBEATS! BAYBEATS! BAYBEATS!

i'm sure i'll be looking forward to it.

BISMUTH; it got me all head banging and body twitching to the music. gave us a good start to the night ahead.
EVERYBODY LOVES IRENE; classic trip-hop. and it got me swaying. and it got me thinking about some people. whom i dont really see a need to mention.
THE FIRE FIGHTS; Joshua Tan is the hottest lead vocalist around! with the cutest movements and the nicest ass. there is only one word for him. yummy.
TOOKOO; that one? got me rocking. but we all got bored after awhile. but its cool listening to a band from China anyway.

we bought The Fire Fights CD. even though we wanted to buy Everybody Loves Irene;s album as well. but it seems that its too expensive for our budget.

i'm in love with joshua.
please don't tell ben.

i believe in a night out with the girls. screaming and cheering for bands. this post is for you. AND FOR BAYBEATS TOO. but anyway.

i want more. i want more. i want more. i want more. i want more!

tell me this isn't happening.

okay, i give up. seriously.
no point going on like this anymore.

okay, if you dont reply me in four mins. i'm giving up.

i'm dead serious about this you know?

oh, i dont know whats going on right now. sometimes it really gets me confused. sometimes it really hurts. its alright. i can do this you know?

nesha, dont be all mad now. he or she isnt worth all the attention. you take care of yourself alright sweetheart?

you take advantage. but its okay.

got up on the wrong side of life today yeah.
crashed the car and i'm gonna be really late.
my phone doesn't work cause it's out of range
looks like it's just one of those kind of days
you can't kick me down i'm already on the ground.
no you can't cause you couldn't catch me anyhow.
blue skies but the sun isn't coming out no.
today it's like i'm under a heavy cloud.
and i feel so alive.

i can't help myself, don't you realize.
i just wanna scream and lose control.
throw my hands up and let it go.
forget about everything and runaway, yeah.
i just want to fall and lose myself.
laughing so hard it hurts like hell.
forget about everything and runaway, yeah.

so is how I'm doing if you're wondering.
i'm in a fight with the world but I'm winning.
stay there come closer it's at your own risk.
yeah you know how it is life can be a bitch.
but I feel so alive.

i can't help myself, don't you realize.
i just wanna scream and lose control.
throw my hands up and let it go.
forget about everything and runaway, yeah.
i just want to fall and lose myself.
laughing so hard it hurts like hell.
forget about everything and runaway, yeah.

i play my part. you play your game.
you give love a bad name.

i can't afford to spoil my mood. i have things i need to do. i can't afford to have mood swings because of them.

i have to keep my emotions in check. thats all i have to say.
i often wonder if its worth it or not. is it worth all the effort i tried so hard to put in, and not knowing what the end would be.

i know what i want. but this is reality. in reality, its cold and its harsh. you can never really get what you set out to have. and i dont understand why with every word thats coming out. tears form from behind my eyes. but i wont cry. i wont bend and break because of this. but like what he said.
sometimes you never know. your emotions might overflow.
maybe thats what happening now. word vomit. and tears would follow soon after.

Ben, if you're reading this.
i dont know how to go about this. sometimes your responses leave me wondering. and it leaves me doubts. it feels like nothing is for certain. and nothing comes for free. thats what i know. in order to receive i need to give. but how much do i have to give to have what i have been searching for. its not an infatuation. that i know. because if it was, then why does it hurt? then why am i still holding on to a hope that doesnt seem to exist?
so many times. i want to give up. but i cant seem to. even as i set my mind to it. in the end, it defies me. telling me that its not time yet. i dont know what to do anymore.

daddy, are you watching over me? are you there like you told me that you would be? i know you're in heaven. i know you're with varien. and you're with pet. you're with poeple who i've missed so dearly. and now you're along with them.
its true, you never miss the water until the well runs dry.

well, i miss you daddy. i'm sure everyone in heaven is taking good care of you.

go to hell bitch.
i hate you.

pussy fit.

this is most going to turn into an angst post sooner or later. why not start now?

the morning is off to a bad start anyway. because i couldnt wake up. and that put me in a mood of a pussy. coming to school only to find that i've been too early.
changing of groups made me a little happier.
but no. she still have to stick by him doesnt it? cajole him into everything you want him to do. i dont really care anyway. you just messed up my day.
and please. dont forgive my sarcasm.

please dont judge me when you dont know me.
and you dont even try.

for a moment there, my heart stopped. when the screen turned black. i thought the worst had happened. ask nesha. she saw my face. thank god it all ended well.

i'll wait for you. so dont you worry.

I CANT WAIT.

i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait.

i can't wait to see ben. so sue me.

although tests can be postponed.

blog hopping yet again. and i get irritated by people who can't spell properly. they honestly think that people can actually understand what bull crap they are speaking when the whole time they type in abbreviations. and that word is spelled correctly by the way. my words all go through spell check. unlike some people.

tests are coming. anatomy test for today. means i'll get to see Ben yet again. i've been bumping into him the whole day. i dont mind him anytime or day.
and i've already got my daily does of ben for today. tomorrow would be better. i'll have him for the whole day.

i jsut got back from jam and club. which was one word; disappointment. i can't believe that i paid three bucks for shit like this. honestly. music sucked. they played umbrella twice. although i love that song. i wont condone this.

i should shut up. seriously. before i start ranting about things that makes no sense. its not like what i just blogged about alot of sense.

okay, soy bean with less sugar sucks. i dont know how ben manages to drink this crap.

so i skipped JUMP on tuesday. i heard that it was a blast. but i believe that the sacrifice was worth it. a little moment with him. was all i needed to make it okay.
i never liked bugis. but because of you. it would be a place i would keep close to my heart.

i got a single silver bullet shot right through my eyes.
to prove i can't survive without you.

so i went to VIVO after that. only to see Ian and Sebest and Mummy! i miss that bitch. so we tired to study. actually. Ian and Sebest tried to study. but nothing really worked now did it? brain cells died that night.

maybe if my heart stops beating,
it wont hurt so bad.

so yesterday, i went to ICA to finally. to make that stupid identity card of mine. three cheers for me. but i hated that place. why? BECAUSE THERE WERE MILLIONS OF SCREAMING BABIES THERE. and anyone who knows me well enough. i hate crowds. and i hate screaming babies. especially those whose parents just let them run around like little mad devils without a heck or care for the world. and that ended my horrible experience yesterday at that building. they have ten freaking levels! why cant they have a floor dedicated to screaming babies? they should seriously do something about it. seriously.

lets watch our first sunrise,
and the world me know would disappear.

friends.
please enlighten me. what and who they are. some say that they dont want to be intrusive. most dont intrude at all. life has changed so much that i have no idea who they are anymore. life just constantly changes without us knowing. yeah. sometimes it would simply come to a point where i'd sream out loud.
"i got no friends"
but i remember that thats not true. i just forgot who they really are. i really need to rearrange my priorities.

screw you get out the door.

so yeah. it been pointed out to me once and again. who are you trying to kid? be original and be yourself. get a life and get out of mine. you have no right. no right at all. to say that you know me because you dont. you're just trying to be someone you're not.
go and leave me. go get a life.


wait for sixth of september. wait for you to come online. wait for you to love me.